The while that took me to come back, so many things changed. One of the main happenings is this one:
I am saying «see you later» to Restoration and Conservation to follow another path, again.
Even though the knowledge prevails I felt as if my path was bringing me in another direction. I believe that sometimes, even trying hard, your life never goes as planned. Or maybe there is something that feels off, i.e. a bit forced.
Whatever it is I asked the wise ones, and along with my intuition I thought: it’s time to leave it behind as an active part of you. In the meantime, active life stopped. So I took the chances to go on regular walks, watching clearly and in detail the plants around me: The shapes and colour they had, how quickly they changed within the season.
How and idea became an inspiration looking at others ahead
Close people were planting herbs, flowers and plants in their garden. In my case, I took a step back: instead of killing more herbs from the supermarket, I prefered to focus on foraging wild plants.
I ended up doing Herbalism courses about local Irish plants and its benefits. I also moved into making more of my cosmetics at home to go natural and handcrafted.
My point here is that instead of banging my head against the wall I prefered to walk a new path, one that kept me interested and not anxious. In other circumstances I wouldn’t have minded the constant learning but I guess it didn’t click in that way.
I decided to recycle myself again
The reason I get from this is that this knowledge could help people now, instead of working with belongings. Health was more important for me than possessions, in these moments something secondary. I don’t mean bad to the professionals in this realm but as I said: for me something was off. My options weren’t the best and other paths became brighter. I wanted to discover my world through my surroundings, understanding the real reason I never left this country. Trying to get into the magic that makes so many people come back with no clear explanation.
What happens now?
I am working on many things but I am glad to say that magic comes in every day to who knows where to look for inspiration. And maybe that’s the reason I did not want to leave this country yet.
The experience of beauty has for the most part a particular force. There are times when beauty is shy and hesitates until it can trust the worthiness of the beholder.
John O’Donohue: «Divine Beauty».
Details on my work at the moment
For the moment I focus on my Artin many ways. But I started my own company of handcrafted cosmetics, specially body soap.
Although the details of that will be revealed in another post. <3
A few months have passed since I finished this experience that started in March and continued until May. But time was neede to gather some wisdom I got from the experience.
What I loved and what I have to learn for next time
I just realized that I never reflected about a sudden idea I had that gave me so many sweet and a few sour moments. This idea being that I wanted to connect better with friends and family in a way that I can communicate my way.
We talk different languages according to the way we behave and act in life. Days before I got a message from friends_ and the universe through them_ that I needed to connect with them more. I was getting too inwards with my art in a way that I’d lose them if I’d keep going like that. Call it workaholic if you want.
So after hours of thinking, I had an idea. As I couldn’t naturally connect with them in their way, I just needed to find an easy link to make creativitymore accessible to them. This way I wouldn,t listen anymore to things like «I wish I was creative like you» or «I could just draw a stickman and that’s about it».
Bullshit, excuse my language. But it’s true. And after reading several books about the theme I can come to one term:
Creativity is a tool for all to help us cope
Creativity is a tool for all to use. Even if you don’t consider it as a job for you, being creative in any way is a part of us as creatures of Nature. You just need to re-discover it. No matter the quality of your result because of the doing and what experience can give you _once you get rid of the external cricit voices_ it’s what really matters!
Being in the flow is being part of the creation. The unknown that guides you to your better sense. That grounds you back to your real being. It is a meditative practice while you have fun.
This idea crossed my head as a way to work together through the last 2 months of a heavy quarantine in Ireland for some of us.
Things I loved and realized with the experience:
So I did it and it felt great! My fears of the camera and talking in public vanished the first day. Maybe the second I wasn’t in my best moment for real tiredness but I showed up for my art and people.
1st week’s sketch: Fountain
And even if I got 5 people painting for me, that showed that there was a minimum interest. I could connect with those who wanted to have a calming time with me and get out of their comfort zone. Because, guess what! I was doing the same with them!
We went through the use of different techniques to paint a fountain, a hobby that we wanted to nurture, a flower to welcome Spring and to end we used a colour to work on our favourite landscape.
Now that I can think it through I can say that we went from small details of an object in place to a whole missed place to go, passing through dreams and rejoicing about the nature around us. That’ s powerful!
We were indeed healing together through Art! I’m so glad I was part of that even if I was focused on teaching things instead of creating with the music as the background. Some people just watch, and that’s ok too. We are all at different levels of the story.
I got to connect with old friends or acquaintances I met in college, which is my real present here. And I also got to connect a family for an hour to paint together and have fun and relaxing time.
What I wish I had prepared better and need to chance for next time
I tried to go all at once on two social media platforms, Instagram being my main one. So the first day, of course, I could not make it work so that I’d connect with more people.
3rd week’s sketch: Flower
There were friends in that area that wanted to join but at not being possible that time I lost them. There were others which the time and day I chose would not go with their schedule. And that’ s ok too.
I was doing a day that went ok for me, that let me go back to art after a busy week and I got the people that could join me.
Next time I’d try another platform, maybe another day. But now it’s time to retreat and learn by myself.
It can be really exhausting and challenging to be thinking about things to say, in which language, in order to attract people to not leave. This game of attention tricks you to think that if you have no many followers you are boring. But I continue thinking that it’s not that. Just that I did not find my niche yet. Let’s give it time and work.
Small victories are easier to handle and I learn from them rather than dealing with lots of people with different proposals that I don’t follow.
A small community of people genuinely interested is more of my taste than having numbers that don’t matter in real connection.
If I can help just one soul- as aunt Lydia would say- that will make my path worthy.
What will be my next approach to the live sessions?
The idea that created the first one is already done so I need to create a new purpose for the next one: For example, so far I’m collecting experiences I learned in college that can help people as therapy sessions for lost souls.
4th and last week’s sketch as example
I’d follow my belief once I finish my recovery path (TAW) that we all need to learn and share with each other. And also that creativity is the spiritual and rebellious path to stay sane in this insane world that we all share.
It is more general and trascendental, not as precise, but I guess you get my point, no?
That needs more preparation… Until one day all of the sudden I miss it so much that I’ll just connect to say hi. And then I’ll paint my thing while I hope to be accompanied painting similar topics.
For me, Life it’s a bit of planning and a bit of just letting your gut decide.
The only thing I know now is that my path is to finish some personal stuff and learning before I can share it away.
Let’s take a reset and see you very soon!
Last drawing: Landscape in green-ish tones,given away
This realization ocurred a Sunday 16th May through a myself-day to work on portraits for commissions.
For a long time I believed that getting portraits from a picture was just copying and little creating. It cannot be said that it was considered cheating but from my experience it had little soul to it. Maybe because it was not talking about me but about other person that I might know or not.
And that’s ok but it was for a time some constricted feeling in a moment in which my need to expand in other directions was more needed that mere exercises.
But now I see it as a pour of my vision into the picture, as I am not tracing. The latter is a technique that I just considered to do when real problems arise, I have a tight deadline or even intimidation due to mixed feelings. There can be certain self doubt or pressure that triggers the creation and more than often I would get myself into a big challenge. I tried to go big and I had to go back to my safety area to thrive and develop.
Like it’s never enough as every piece it has its difficulties, I’d push myself further than my mind can handle. Even by doing long hours and getting discouraged.
Thanks to my long experience with college, for years my main technique it has been graphite. Even better results if done on grey paper. Now, the results will be outstanding that way from a technique I use since I started.
Another example is the case of Julie’s Portraits. The graphite was quicker and I could extract the essence of the people really quickly. Like I was making a clay sculpture I add and substract layers as I can see neccesary. It’s a changeable thing.
And that’s not something I can do with watercolours yet. (Maybe when I find the right paper that holds my water and brushes away). I go with a bit of fear knowing that every stroke will be difficult to go back from if it changes the person’s face characteristics.
The person is more worked and focused even tho the background colours could go gently around it.
Talk about Julie portraits, Colin portrait and retrace back to Xmas commission and the differences.
Use the audio in the phone about the magic of seeing through the faces if I choose or make the pictures myself. I get them as I see them.
Realization about my personal hand as a vessel to bring out part of the feelings or interior that is hardly seen. Even seeing through the soul or the future! : In here talk about your selfportrait with the train that had its own meaning but it ended up being future related?
Aragorn and Arwen portrait is one of my favourite artwork done as part of a Saint Valentine Series from 2017-2018.
I love the Tolkien universe but I never dared to make a finished product like this one. I might have used Tolkien characters from Lord of the Rings to enhance my love for portraits back in college. But it had been a long time since I made those.
Anyway, my main idea was to speak about love in movies. It had been a long time since I broke up with my boyfriend and after passing through a phase of hate-to-all-the-couples I started to adjust to certain movies that had a bit of a romantic side in it. So when this series came as an idea I made it as a way to make peace with that hater part of myself that was against love. Well, it is not that I was looking for it actively but I felt it for friends and it was a starting point to melt my stony heart.
I listed the ones in which couples were brought to each by amazing circumstances, by magic or by providence. The ones I wanted to believe were happening. Other love stories are so unreal that it might be the reason I forbid myself to watch them. They can indeed teach wrong values that do not necessarily happen to ral couples in the real world.
But my favourite movies had something to show, some passion that both the person that encountered each other would be in a way independant. So the relationship wouldn’t be that toxic and dependent.
Let’s put some examples here, shall we?
«You Before Me» (2017)
1. You Before Me
In this movie the main story goes around a girl that gets employed to work for a handicap person. This man in particular is a sour soul that behaves as if he’s lost all hope. He had everything in life like success and money but he still had to know kindness. Maybe he’d be able to live in a different way, being his eyes opened by this “normal” girl he wouldn’t have put his eyes on in his previous life.
«The Time of my Life» (2017)
2. Dirty Dancing
This movie I’ve known since I was a little girl which I’d watch every year. I’ll make a quick plot one for whoever doesn’t know it: She goes on a family trip to a hotel, probably her last one before going to college. He is a hired dance teacher who is trying to improve his life. They both meet in unexpected circumstances and they have to help each other in some way. Through dance they heal dad issues, difficulties in life and wrong assumptions among others.
«You are the one that I want» (2017)
3. Grease
This is the second movie I’d discover being a little girl. Musical, school drama, the duckling kind of tale… come one, I’d love it. And I still do in a way. They are both teenagers that meet on a summer holiday at the beach. They have a great time and at the end of this term they believe their dream has come to an end. Until they see each other in the same school next year! Oh, boy, what a drama of jealousy and pretended manhood in order to keep cool. Fake stereotypes that work in a group until they don’t work anymore if you have to keep the person you really care for.
A great story that goes really quickly while you are singing, dancing or just enjoying the visuals in between 60’s dresses and milkshakes served in pinky dinners.
«Night in Vienna» (2017)
4. Before Sunrise
This story in three parts was discovered during my time in Ireland. Probably at times when I was prepared to understand all the dense conversation that this couple is holding while walking the streets of Vienna. Do not expect more than amazing topics in between two strangers that meet in a train and decide to spend one day in a limbo in between their busy lives. This strange gesture, really intuitive, could indeed save and change their lives forever!
«A ride in Montmatre» (2018)
5. The fabulous destiny of Amélie Poulain
I am not gonna take anyone saying that this movie is a cliché that became a trend between the hipsters to come to Paris and stay in Montmartre. Apart from the boheme air that this story can have, I love it because it’s pure magic, fresh, full of youth and playfulness. It is a game, a return to childhood practices. A love game to bring charm into the world that lives immersed in desperation and boredom. The music is just class.
«Love, Rosie» (2018)
6. Love, Rosie
During this time I really went after some love movies that this male actor made. I admit it. But from the point of view of someone who doesn’t know much about cinema but chooses by wym, they were originally good. I’ll explain to you why I think that: it defends the friendship love between a man and a woman. A relationship that grows up from childhood, when they really met each other. Time passes by and they grow up, they change, and the others see that. They make mistakes with the people that choose but that might end up opening their eyes to see that no matter where they are in their lives, they need each other in some way. In a way that makes them feel grounded, to bring them back to the time they were original, when they were children and fearless.
«P.S. Guess What?» (2018)
7. P. S. I love you
Some people might say that this movie shows a dependent woman living through her husband’s letters. It is not. She is a woman trying to heal after an abrupt separation for natural causes. Sometimes we can get involved into a vortex of love that the person gives us, so much that we might lose our way.
They could have been trying to make up for their lives as they were, unexpected and perfect in an imperfect way. But they were happy if they didn’t choose to listen to others opinions. But the circumstances change and Holly needs to take small steps towards a life on her own, a recovery of her dreams that were lost in the way before she met Gerry. If you ask me, this guy could make me lose my head too… It is a story of gratefulness into the small moments and nostalgia for a past that was full. It shows that the path continues, with good friends & family and framed into a beautiful green Ireland.
«My heart will go on» (2018)
8. Titanic
I used to like it more when I was a child and despite leaving “Moulin Rouge” behind due to problems in the portraits, this movie reminded me of my teens. Rose was a strong woman secluded in a marriage that was keeping her small. She was unhappy and lacked passion in life. The moment that she met Jack, she was about to kill herself. They both start a friendly close relationship while travelling on the Titanic in which he teaches her “bad manners” and enjoyment through irish dance and party. There is an intense moment of Art making in which he is making her as pure as she is. She is seen differently through his eyes and that gives her the value she needs to be brave and go on living.
«Hold me» (2018)
9. Edward Scissorhands
How can I describe this movie better than saying that it is about a strange person made with lost feelings that meets a lost girl when he is adopted to live in her family. This story talks about welcoming the freaks that might look scary at first. But they are no more than scared people, like abandoned animals to die.
This movie talks about integration of different people into the community because even they can make a great change into the general mood. Acceptance and tolerance are important values that some of us have forgotten. And they make a difference to us as human beings and part of Nature. So if you didn’t see this movie I would recommend it to you in order to melt your heart a bit. Come on, Johnny Deep cannot be more cute in this role. I’m so glad I met him through this lovely tale.
«If you trust nothing else, trust us» (2018)
10. Lord of the Rings (the two towers)
Despite the fact that I love with all my heart the whole trilogy I admit that the second part has so much juice for me to take. One of the moments is this one I portrayed: Aragorn gets visited by Arwen in a dream when he is in despair after losing a small battle. She holds the present of immortality she gave to him and reminds him that hope is the way to keep going forward, against the enemy that might look impossible to defeat.
He has a long way to go and she reminds him of his strength. What can I tell you guys? This is a perfect relationship in which she is strong and believer by herself, and he has her when he is lost in order to keep on fighting for what is fair in the Middle World, for his destiny as a king. The fact that she decides to give away her immortality speaks about the fact that she says: I’d rather share a lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone. And as an important detail they also grew up together so their friendship starts in a good and pure place.
Am I too biased by my current love life? Couldn’t be so. But it is hard not to realise now that I was constantly putting the morals I longed for out there for the universe to hear me and respond.
After years of refrection I’d like to think so: despite my active actions in life, my passive morals were reminding my subconscious what I should look for in my life.
For that reason now I can say that I’d advise you to start listening to them sooner than later.
Is spiritual therapy the new solution towards a more stable mental health to cure trauma and keep on with your life?
Last Thursday 20th May I went for the first time to a session with a well-known healer Aldo Jordan who works from in Castlebar (Co. Mayo). And the first impression I gathered before and throughout the whole time was «trust». I said for myself «this person knows what he’s about ».
1. Therapy session
But let me tell you a bit about his practice: the session starts as a normal therapy one. You talk with him about your life, past and struggles. All in a super condensed time that gives him ideas for the next step.
2. Journey
In the second step, prior to being asked what kind of journey I saw myself doing, I would be guided into a trance to visit any of the worlds required to give me the answers I am looking for.
In what he considered a special moment he said :»some indigenous people would say that the experiences in the other worlds can be more real than the one we live in. But still, we have to live in this one…». I consider it indeed more natural and everything comes out easily. It can also be more tricky as you get so many symbols that your mind may forget how to decipher.
So, first, you dive into the journey with an intention and a purpose to visit your internal world: either upper world, middle or lower world. My journey this time was to the middle world – a memory or part of my reality that I had to get to.
What is exactly a journey?
We are not doing any kind of time travel here, but we do travel in a sort of limbo time in which you can connect with souls who want to appear to deliver messages you are searching for or needing. Because I must say that you don’t get what you want but what you need and don’t realize until that moment.
Once the voice of the healer gets you back from your mystical conversation, he helps you make your way back to your world and normal consciousness. He brings you back from the trance by slowing the beat on the shamanic drum. I open my eyes, full of tears: silence. Sometimes he uses the silver branch of the druids, a twig with 9 bells, to ground the journeyer at the end. There was no silver branch this time.
We talked about my experience to get answers in the middle world and interpret symbols I cannot understand. The actions, even the animals that come my way to guide me or help me, feel comforting.
3. Healing session
As our senses are a bit touched by drama and shock by the revelations in the journey, the aura needs healing to be as strong as it can be to face the world. Certain sound healings took place along my chakras and he finished with some amazing scents that made me feel refreshed. «Secret ingredients of the Peruvians», he said.
Remember the sacred in the practice
Some things need to stay sacred.
I thought for a second that I could make some of the scents he used to clear the aura, but we cannot take everything and make it our own way just to make or save money. All the sense of healing would be lost.
I felt ashamed when I asked him about the ingredients to see if I could make it myself. Then the magic took effect and I felt my aura cleared of toxic thinking.
The reverence to the sacred lifted monetary thinking and brought good-hearted energy.
Take care of yourself. You are the sanctuary that holds your soul
The warm visit and chat ends with a rose quartz to love that new part of you that is back. Along with it, I received precise instructions about how to take care of my body to be a good sanctuary for all the recovered parts that I lost during disassociating from difficult memories. Now it is time to care for them and myself as we both deserve.
And I finish this lovely story with a quote I learnt from The Artist’s Way:
When we take care of ourselves as precious objects, we become stronger
Julia Cameron: The Artist’s Way
A spiritual healing session is not a magic wand that will erase your problems in a second. On the contrary, there is a lot of self-work to be done, before and after these sessions. And we all go through that in our own way. But if by any chance you feel a loss of guidance, you have tried all conventional sources and did not work on you… of course, I would recommend this practice. Whenever you are ready.
Conclusion
Awakening
It is a constant path to heal ourselves and to grow up stronger against bad influences and self-sabotage. But that’s where our creativity and mental health care takes place. We can unwind ourselves. Although a healing guide is appreciated, sometimes, we are responsible for our own healing.
In this post, the second part of this one, you can find the practices I do, the ones I started doing recently and the ones I want to incorporate into my routine.
I never paid too much attention to this theme until Covid19 came. Before that, all I did was just to act by intuition. In time I learnt that by following certain patterns I could feel great. Do you want to know them?
Moments in Nature painting by myseld were one of the best moments from last year
1. Meditation
This is a practice I started doingto stop panicking about things I could not change. It also helped to make me focus at the time I was studying and I didn’t want my mind to feel divided and absent.
2. Exercise
Yoga is for me a healthy and mindful way to exercise Mind & Body.
It took over my exercises at the gym or digital gym. Sometimes I would join friend on doing skipping rope but my main practice would be always Yoga.
Remember that if you do any exercise in a meditative way, you are actually emptying your mind. In my personal case, gym workout wasn’t the same for my level of life, and I needed something different for the circumstances. Now yoga works better for me.
3. Go for walks & get sunshine
When I feel trapped and a bit under the weather it doesn’t take much to fix it that a short walk in Nature.
I learnt that by doing this and catching some sun if I was lucky, or even UV, I was boosting my mood. I was feeling visibly more energized.
4. Friends & Family
Staying in contact with friends and family became esential during quarantine. In my opinion, it felt as if the connection was more authentic in extreme circumstances. I guess we all felt the importance of a hug or a laughter. They can really heal when we are feeling down.
But also it’s important to see when the negative thinking of somebody can drain you more than help you.
Balance is always good to keep you stable without feeling lonely or charged.
5. Get a good sleep
The sleep time was a practice I learnt from my last job. Maybe at first it was the lack of good sleep and what it could develop on my nerves. But once I got it right, it also helped me to keep and schedule in order to control my time and where it was going.
There are lots of apps that you can use to reduce your social media time. When I used to study or now if I need to work from home, I use one that does not allow me to open them while it time my progress.
Breaks are permited, of course, you do put your limits but this way you make sure that your working time is protected from distractions.
I also ended up setting a time limit for the time I spent on certain social media platforms. Now there is no «I have no time» excuse for me as I try not to waste it that mush that easily.
6. Creativity
Keep creative in any way that feel natural for you:
Cook, write, sketch, paint, sing, whatever helps you unwind and PLAY. This is the main principle: to lose a bit of the seriousness of our busy day and just experiment with what we have at hand. Of course, in my case I used to draw or write often when I really needed it. But sometimes I would spend weeks with no artistic practice done at all!
One day I had this idea of improving the boring time in the last quarantine (in Ireland took us until May). I started my live #createwithmey sessions of social art using the Instagram platform. This practice would take me, and the people who joined me, into a 45min session of just calming creative time together. At least during this time there wouldn’t be any worrying about the rest of the things going on in the world. And that is the point of it.
7. Show Gratefulness
It is a really easy and rewarding practice. For example: practice saying thanks to anyone who helps you or to the things you have in your life.
Every morning or evening I used to write a list of three things I am grateful to have. Or even the qualities I own or even how happy I am to be living in this world. The reason for this practice is that it gives you positive thinking and it helps you focus on the things you have, instead of being anxious about the things you desire to be happy. Look around and discover all the nice things you have, some of them for free!
Nowadays I try to implement this practise into a bigger one called my morning pages or Jornalying: 3 pages handwriten done in about 40 mins if I am really inspired. The trick to this special practice is to do it the first thing in the morning if you can, as a way to start your day, or even plan it with a positive thinking.
8. Work near home
Work near home, if possible, in something that inspires you or makes you grow. If you do work near home you have more time for your hobbies and family, for example.
I am not gonna enter in which kind of job you have. That is your business if your are feeling fulfilled with it. I just will say that work is not your life, and as it is a great part of it I hope that inspire you and excite you.
9. Smile
Yes! Smile more often! Happiness is contagious, the same as sadness. I saw it working in a hotel. The times I came in feeling joyous and expressing it with an open smile I actually changed the general mood of my co-workers for the best. Why don’t you try and see what happens? If you don’t feel like smiling… well, sometimes the «fake it until you make it» plan works too!
10. Be kind to yourself
You end up believing what you call yourself, the same way you can kill a plant if you say to it that it’s ugly. Instead, if you show it love it will flourish or even come back from the almost dead plant-world. The same happens with you: you have the power to make you feel loved by being patient and compassionate with your mistakes. If you are too strict or do not forgive your actions, you will feel hopeless.
Do be gentle with you because you are learning, you are taking the time to get all in. You are continuously evolving.
EXTRA: Have a healthy diet
This practice is an on-going one I am trying to implement but it started at my time working in the workshop.
My diet was mostly pescatarian and organic. I got it reinforced with 2 or 3 pieces of fruit and nuts to give me enough protein in a day.
Back in the first quarantine I improved a lot my cooking skills by making all sorts of recipes, and that brought gratification, fun and insight. Basically homemade food tastes way better and it doesn’t cost that much or takes that long to get ready. It can actually be quite creative to get into this world!
Nowadays, the fermented food is a new practice I am learning about: it builds up the good bacteria in your gut. Prior to this, natural pills were my source to secure my inmune system. Now I am experimenting with kefir thanks to several recommendations.
Then, by adding into the equation filtered water and herbal medicines, I make sure that all I get into my system is «alive». My source of nutrients help me digest, sleep well and think more clearly. In conclusion, it improves my Body & Mind conditions.
Creating in Nature, and in the Sun, is for a blessing
Conclusion
I know that I still have a long way to go and some practices like Meditation to come back to. They can be really helpful but I think the trick in my case is to have a nice schedule that is well balanced and allows me to get more things done without dreading it. Rest is really important in this equation so, please, do take some chill days to just unwind, read and learn among other practices. If you slow down, your body will feel refreshed and ready for another good go afterwards.
It is a despised or «lazy» considered action. But it is a constant reminder that sometimes our bodies just shuts down. They might need us to stay in bed watching videos or reading.
It is a passive action of learning anyway, that it will get integrated into action when our bodies are ready to roll!
When I see all these steps my only hope is that this time it took me to learn can actually help you too. It’s been a few years of learning the tecniques by mere trial and error, but it works. My advice is that you integrate whatever works for you from here. Some small changes will come, slowly, but the important point here is that you keep learning and discovering new branches from this tree of wisdom. I know I am doing it every day. That’s basically called living, don’t you think?
Happy Aloe Vera I adopted (near dead), next to one I own that resurrected three times!
