How I started looking for myself to stop the self-savotage and created my boundaries to people

What I talk about here might be considered really intimate and vulnerable. But we are living a pandemy so I consider it’s time to start to be true for once.

Looking in highsight to my previous jobs I can tell you now all the mistakes that I made. You even might have gone through some of them too.

Imagine yourself in a situation in which unemployment is at a high level. So in the «lucky» case you get a job, you will probably be paid either in cash money or you will have to do horrible hours, split shifts and so on.

Acceptance of the situation in exchange for opportunities

What do you do? You accept the job because you need it. Your boss knows that, so from here we enter a tricky situation in which they pull the strings to see how much you can take or how long you will stay like this.

At some point you might ask for a raise, even a contract if you didn’t have one already. But some excuses arise: they might say that they have to pay a high ammount of taxes in order to get you a proper assured full time in a contract. Or they say that they would have to raise everyone’s payment to adjust it to yours. Then the situation gets awkward when you let them know that you work harder, by yourself most of the time and that you have been with them long enough to deserve it.

Nothing changes.

The abuse keeps happening until one day you explode: maybe you talk in a bad way to a manager/workmate or maybe you burn yourself out of the stress. In other words, you get tired of the sabotage they do on you as you allow it to happen.

End of learning process and limited exchange in your favour

Your early dreams of teamwork and gratefulness for the experience of learning get transformed. Now you don’t see any development happening in a positive way.

From here you can choose from different paths:

1. You stick up for yourself and quit as things don’t change for you.
2. Lazyness takes over and you end up doing as the others. You don’t care about the job and there is no intention to grow anymore. It sours your mood as it makes you unhappy.
3. You get patient and look for the perfect chance to use your skills learnt in college in order to move you to a more proper job.

I’ve done all of them and I would recommend the 1st and 3rd options. The reason is simple: self-sabotage will just get you to disastrous consequences for your Body, Mind & Spirit. This could lead to a drink / smoke / drugs habit.

How did I turn it upside down to my benefit?

When I saw that the next job was a new chance to learn and do everything I could to be a restorer I knew I was on the right path. I was evolving.

Working on site was one of my favourite experiences at the Conservation job

Which was the downside ot it? I was using the same sense of extra gratefulness for the opportunity, meaning that I’d do anything for the position (well, not entirely everything, I still have some pride).

We are creatures of Nature after all and we are meant to change and evolve. A more proper job made evolve towards a better self. A renewed routine was adquired and it allowed me to use my time at the fullest.

Commute time was an hour minimun, that’s fine when you cross Connemara National Park every day. At my return I would clear my mind and body in the gym. Then, I would prepare a nice meal for myself for the next day. This routine would get repeated for the whole week.

Not all is an easy, nice walk when we don’t check on our mental health

Was there another downside? Yes, I felt the stress, pressure, lack of sleep, and really extreme swings of mood along with a quick loose of weigh. I was supposed to feel fulfilled but I guess I wasn’t!

Due to low income of projects and work, my contract had to end after 7 months of working with such an amazing company. Then I thought about studying for a master in Conservation-Restoration. This thought was for me an organic way to continue a path that thrilled me, a path that excited me even if I had to study continuously. No pain, no gain, they say, right?

We all know what happened in 2020.

This awakening call for all of us was for me a total change of escenario. My masters wasn’t cancelled but done mostly on-line. So as I considered myself not able to study in such cicumtances, I focused on my other path. My hobby had been Art, a tool I sometimes used to balance my mood and calm my senses when things were tough. You can guess that during my toughest job experiences I created a lot.

We need certain practices to stay balanced

My intuition was always telling me to stay sane and balanced. My circumstances shaped that learning process into what it is now.

I am making up with my Art practice as a healing process that helps me cope. It is a language mechanism that can help others the same way it helps me. As we aren’t robots, we can feel the pressure when we are committing self-sabotage on ourselves. The scapism just brings more despair and negativity prevails.

So in order to fix these problems I encourage you to be creative, in any way that feels natural for you. No need to share it, as it is personal and intimate, the same way you don’t share what you talk with your therapist.

My focus is to use Art to heal yourself slowly. To help you cope with any situation, not just extreme. As a final example I will suggest you thinking of the time you were a child. What did you enjoy doing just for fun? Do gather those memories and do them with no shame. Nobody is judging you if that practice makes you self-assured and loved.

Once you care for yourself, it will be harder to harm you

The boundaries to avoid that harm will be a natural consequence of this practice. I can also tell by experience that this will happen quicker each time a challenge arises.

So go on and try! It is a slow and on-going process but what you will learn of it is that the path makes you learn more than the result. The final product might be a reminder of your process of learning but once one thing is finished, another project comes.

You are a precious object that evolves and learn for your best end

Learn and evolve everyday. Follow the natural cycle of life 

I hope that this post helps you. I can’t wait to read your experiences!

PS: To be continued in a another post. Stay tuned to know the second part with the Mental Health Practices I do now, the ones I started recently and the ones I’d like to add to my routine.

See you all next time! <3

© María M. Mayorga

What an artist source is?

Maybe we have been given the wrong idea that an artist NEEDS to travel in order to stay creative.

And I am starting to think that the principle is really limited. What happends when we don’t have any other option than going inwards?

Sometimes outside worlds can be a distraction. They can teach you about how you react to those circumtances, of course. They teach you values and unity. That even you have your home, you can feel another part of yourself in a new place.

Yourself is at risk by being out of the comfort zone. And that can be really challenging for some but really eyes opener. Now I see whay some people travel alone. It gets your a completely new experience, more meditative and curious if I can say.

I remenber I needed it to be like that in Amsterdam. It was my first time going alone even if I was staying in a friend’s house. But most of the time it was a me-time thinking about the possibility of a new life in that strange country.

You indeed meet a different side of yourself. Being alert and in constant expansion. Thinking about the ones you’d like to be with in certain moments and just meeting new people in others, like tours.

What do you get by traveling inwards then?

You get a sense of your inner strengh and fears. Your get to know you better. And even tho you might be indoors, or out in your usual place of solitude, you connect with nature.

The ideas in your head develop with no stop once you decide to listen. Remember that in big new cities you normally cannot listen that much. You might get overwhelmed.

But in peace and quietness you become an open vessel of thoughts about universe and life. About your connections to it and how the system works, for example.

In conclusion, you start to listen and see truly. You get more open to new ideas that might find your way once you let them.

And we don’t need to read or study much in order to create because in a way you re-discover what your soul already knew. You start to remember by awakening to new thoughts that were there all the time.

And then you open a book and the ideas are also there to be confirmed. Other books will distract you from your path but others will help you fill it with more terms. To think about them and expand them.

We are all trees that need water and sun and community. As then we translate those into nutrients, nature and social life to be completed. But we learn after experience and time lived in this planet with animals and plant being.

They are the messengers of wisdom, not the television or youtube. You can get some insight by somebody who’s dharma is to connect and talk about his/her experiences. But in a way you’ll get that yourself.

If you go too far seeing content you might end up dishearted and discouraged to keep at it. That did happen to me today.

Today (25.5.21) I needed to rest and think inwards. Today I needed to reafirm that this is my path to dream and know myself.

And by doing that I can help to do the same for you.

Will you join me?

See you in the next post!

© María M. Mayorga

My care and personal experience with homemade natural cosmetics

This year has been tough for everyone and some of us had seen ourselves in need to be more creative than usual towards an adjustment into saving the little money coming in or the savings already acquired.

Money takes so much effort to get and sometimes not precisely by doing the best job you want to do. My experience has been to save all I could for future times, being alert on where everything goes but not stopping myself from enjoying it.

How did this start for me?

Balance is needed by my point of view and experience to value the things that really matter in my life and give energy to those in particular.

This is an example for cosmetics. I was never a big fan of it. I never used more cream than the summer one. Until my 31 birthday I got my first natural cream from my friends. «What a joke»- I thought. I was lucky to have inherited lovely smooth skin from my grandmother’s side. And by not abusing the use of make-up, it stayed quite stable for a long time.

But years come and I took this present as a part joke and part reminder. The time came when I tried and I loved the sensation before going to sleep. The good thing is that it lasted me almost 2 years! It was expensive but it came a long way and it made me think of the necessity of cherishing my skin in the future years.

How does this come into my personal low-waste movement?

I started making some house products and changes from 2018. The homemade beeswax would come, followed by my micellar water -which I still use- and my deodorant.

Some products are still part of my routine. Others needed adjustment to find my liking. The important thing here is that once I tried some changes it got me creative to either reuse some to my advantage or to acquire the ones I couldn’t make for the moment.

Reminding here that the low-waste movement is one to take lightly, every change has to come when your previous product is gone. I am not implying to throw away all and start anew to look like the Instagram feed you follow. This movement goes into your circumstances. Some people will buy, others will reuse or make what they can.

The main message here, as I always say now, is to basically enjoy the process of discovery.

What kind of products I’ve done so far

Curiosity and love of crafts made me want to explore the products I used and I’d like to make by myself. This would save me tons of money on indie products and the consequent shipping costs from other countries. When I tried local products but did not go with myself I had to look further.

1. Shampoo bar

This is the example of my first shampoo bar, infused with rosemary, nettle and peppermint. It is fresh and it ladders perfectly. And the best part is that it does not leave my hair super greasy as the others did.

After trying 2 or 3 commercial bars I needed to go back to understand my hair and what I was missing. And after some tutorials I learned that I needed to focus on my hair loss and need to reinforce the roots. More nourishing but less greasy oils were considered and used, following a recipe that after trials would give me my first personalized shampoo.

Even though some specialization is needed in the ingredients to add and  the better way to use herbs’ properties, I felt empowered with my effort.

2. Castile Soap

I remember when I saw this one being made in a rural town, with ladies stirring huge wooden barrels in the plain air.

It seemed hard work so I never tried until years ago. First tries are rarely good but at the second one, with a bit more wisdom taken we got the product base. This bar would clean our floors, dishes and hands in an extreme need. Even clothes if I get my mind to it one day!

Basics are needed to understand to unravel the way of making the rest. And this case is the best example to show for my beginnings.

3. Goat’s Milk Body Soap

Ok, maybe the jump was high after getting a shampoo bar and a castile soap in the second try. But the rules were integrated the same way, with exception of subtle changes in the making by integrating the milk.

After 5 months, my skin cannot be more grateful for this new integrant in the family of homemade products!

4. Laundry Soap

I have to admit that I saw many videos of the matter and I was not very keen on trying until I made sure that the results were shared by more people.

After giving my trust to a cosmetic club and a person who spent her time looking into the benefits of a gentle product, I decided to try.

My partner has very sensitive skin and the product needed to be trusted. So when this seemed to be one of the principles along with the biodegradable concept, I invested in it. No complaints afterwards.

5. Body Mist

I never was a fan of smelly perfume that numbs my senses and gets me nauseous.

In time I found some body mist bottles in Tesco and I used them all on those days in which my natural odour needed extra help.

In time I learnt that by mixing essential oils with water and conserved in alcohol I was getting an easy and personalized solution for such a problem.

6. Hand – Face – Body Cream (solid and whipped)

A convert who used to not be a big fan of creams until it was really necessary: I’d use cream for my legs in summer when they were really dried by the spanish sun. Or here in Ireland I found that my hands needed extra moisture due to the cold weather.

With an online course entered in 2020 (great year of learning process) I covered my needs to make solid products that would not require jars. One of the best told once was a hand and face cream.

«Solid? This is a new concept of natural products that is not soap!»- I thought internally while watching a live presentation of the course to come.

I gave my money and time to this course and I learnt so much by just getting to understand all the ingredients. Every product I got made the result more professional and less considered a remedy.

And as a present I got an extra recipe of how to make whipped cream! Now there’s no way to stop me from experimenting…

7. Deodorant (solid and cream)

The products I used were always gentle on my skin. But the reminder here is to know that I have strong genes that adapt well to shitty products.

So this also needed to change, even if back then I saw it as a way to reduce plastic (it’s overwhelming to realise how these two terms go together most times).

I created various recipes that nourished my armpits and did not leave traces on my dark clothes. The mentioned course solved the problem by giving me a way to make my own solid one.

But by creating my creamy version I also get away with no using much water to activate the solid formula when in a rush.

8. Toothpaste (solid version)

The greatest of the greatest disappointments has been to change into this product in particular. And I mean the commercial one. I mentioned in my last post on my Instagram feed how a brand in particular damaged my teeth until a point in which I needed my first filling in life.

Thanks to this lovely Course I made my first solid product that goes better on my. Although, it does not have fluoride so due to fear of going through the same experience again, I use it with a irish natural source tube that will give me peace of mind.

This is the one subject I feel I need to do more research into to get one single product that gives me total confidence. Time will say and I am glad to start a new adventure by getting to know better what it goes into my system.

What kind of products I will need to make in the future to cover my necessity

1. Lip balm
2. Eyeliner and mascara
3. Liquid Toothpaste
4. Dishwasher liquid soap
5. Home cleaning soap
6. Shaving Soap or/and Cream
7. Lavender infused or/and clay Soap

Which products I learnt by chance and now I am glad to have as part of my Care Routine

1. Morning Oil Serum scented with orange (own recipe)
2. Night Solid Serum with Vitamin C
3. Activated Charcoal face soap
4. Micellar water with argan oil, aloe vera and rose water

Which products I did by chance and it’s nice to use but I’d barely use on me and why

1. Make-up base with sun protection
2. Instant made soap and shampoo
3. Conditioner bar

I feel this my life’s work to discover more

I don’t know where I will go from here but I don’t stress (now) about that. The main principle was to create and research according to personal or relatives needs. Shouldn’t it all about that after all?

I also know that this path is not my main one but a very important one that frames my days and makes me more creative and inquisitive in other ways.

Let’s see where the path is to guide me towards. Until then, I hope that you enjoy yours and incorporate something new every now and then.

Have a good one!

© María M. Mayorga

Reading & re-learning about the «beauty» rule in the world

(Edited. To add images from gallery if possible. or any quote from the book if wanted)

I like to read. I won’t say I love it but nowadays it fulfills my purpose of learning further. It fills the gap that I start guessing somewhere else.

I could say the same about the podcasts, al right. They are a nice quick way to discover things in no time.

But it is for certain that some other matters need to be learnt slowly. Some tools to use in the future need to stay longer in the mind and that way I find I can palade them better by reading.

Past about reading: pros and cons

I used to hate reading books being «forced» to get a minimum task done in school. I guess it’d be a cruel way to teach values that we wouldn’t get anywhere else. «Be careful about drugs.» «Learn about how bloody sanguinary romans were.» «Get some boring hours with a near-to-dead person.»

But then something shifted and I got to dream about unreal chocolate factories or to laugh a little at a boy’s mundane life. Even to make a medieval dance after reading a book about magical jewels that’d help monks to reveal further knowledge.

At home, my mind would focus on fantasy worlds. My inner child didn’t want to grow and it delighted herself by daydreaming about magic schools in castles or histories alive outside an unusual book.

I found my way into the charms of reading amazing stories that fit with me. And that is still how I like to do it now.

Intuitive Search for what I need at each moment

Reading is not, in point of view, about showing off knowledge just for the sake of having it. The same as I would not see all the movies of a director just because I’m a fan of that director and I have to make a statement.

My take here is more intuitive. I like to choose the books or let the books choose (thinking about the moment in which Harry Potter gets his wand ).

I come to say here that there have been times that I started a book that had been handed to me, recommended. Well, let’s say that the first pages didn’t speak of values I wanted to see. Instead, they woke up in me dreading the feeling of being in the island or in the nature described to experience it myself.

My visual imagination can be too much sometimes. If I find myself in a place of anguish, remembering my situation of not being able to go, I just want to stop that feeling.

That happened a few weeks back when I started a book that spoke about artists’ bohemian lives in a warm country. It was nice. Words underlined to be remembered in my native language. A delight that in my case would be done in english by using synonyms. I live in english most of the time but I still appreciated the help given.

Finding a new word path

Sometimes I can read 3 books at the same time if they relate to diverse themes. This time I could take another one so I wandered around my partner’s library. I just listened to a podcast about «On becoming a person» by Carl Roger. Well, he didn’t have it but my eyes spotted another pristine book.

Near a black and huge Joseph Campbell one, I saw a light copy of an irish book titled «Divine Beauty». As you may know by now, I am an artist and I am constantly in the search of beauty. So these words striked me highly.

I reached my hand towards the tiny book and opened its pages. Right from the first one, that book was speaking to me in a language that I could take.

The simils on God or the Source that I learnt in The Artist’s Way book-still to be done with- were subtly filled with the beauty element in our lives.

How can beauty help us?

Our souls become nourished by beauty, soothed and calm. Beauty, as a godly element, can come to us in an unprecedented moment of truth.

We cannot own beauty, that would be glamour and it’s fake.

We cannot rush beauty because it needs patiences and venerance.

Respect is needed to find that magic that shows us the way to beauty.

So in conclusion, by following our recent way of fast living we are getting further from this item.

Nature holds beauty and rejoices in our coming back to it. As we belong to it and are part of it we get gifted by the element of beauty. This present says to us that the source is there with us. That we are welcome if we trust the unknown of the lead into the adventurous path.

Beauty will always come if we come humble into Nature. If we are attuned to our soul and body, taking care of them as sanctuaries.

So we get the gift of patience and love by being rewarded with a soothing peace in our hearts and souls.

That -and so many other things to discover- is what beauty can do for us.

Long way to go. To be continued…

I will discover lovingly this amazing path of new and nourishing knowledge for my soul. What it needs to heal. What it needs to unfold and hold.

Talk to you soon, my loves.

© María M. Mayorga

How to use Spirit Animals to boost your mental health

This week I asked on my social media Instagram about which animal was the one my followers vibed with the most.

The experiment started by me saying that I used this tool as an introverted person to talk about my feelings seen in the body language of an animal that I like. I could say that it represents me in some way, or the way I choose to keep it as my favourite. This animal is the zebra and I love it further that I can remember. Probably it started when I went to a safary in El Castillo de las Guardas, in this region called Nerva, in the city of Huelva (Spain).

Afraid of showing vulnerability

We all hide parts of ourselves that might make us feel too vulnerable in front of others. Of course I would not like to show my weakness that easily. I don’t know who is going to use it to harm me.

But for me, this practice has gone a long way: I don’t even communicate the bad things to fix or even the good ones. I was raised in a family where all was ok and the problemas were «swept under the rag».

Engage in conversation to solve problems

This practice can unravel the family atmosphere by bringing conflict when you least expect it. Because the funny part of it is that we got used to imply things slightly and by that we expect to be understood by others. I.E. I could be saying something to you in an ironic tone that might sound as a joke but it is true, used in a way to subtract importance to it. Believe me, this does not work. The person in front of me might have taken that joke as it is: a joke. So I wouldn’t have any reason to believe that I should have been understood at all by me not engaging in a proper conversation.

I am still learning, guys. It would be hard for me to get all I feel out. I would need days to list all I wanted to express and once the conversation ended I might feel that I wasn’t clear enough. I could feel I lost the argument or that I had to admit another person’s behaviour and letting the matter go away as not important.

The use of spirit animals as healers

So as a way to cope with my inner feelings would be to use a symbol through this animal to show my real concern. To cleanse my soul.

In time I would end up discovering that by choosing that animal I was getting all sorts of advice and help in my behaviour.

These spirit animals we might see in our dreams or the reality are omens that try to tell us something. Their way of being in Nature has a link to ours too. So by knowing that I asked around for which animal represented my followers qualities the best way. I was so surprised by the results:  by me sharing certain qualities I vibed with they got what they needed to hear the most to keep going. In a way I was doing a tarot reading for them using their animal.

Different animals will focus on different aspects of your life

You could have more than one, like in my case. Peacock lifts my spirits up now at moments I need to believe in my true colours, even if they are out of the usual. I am beautiful, I make my world even more beautiful by being here and I should be proud of that!

Conclusión: Understand and give yourself love the way you can. Here my example: «Peacock Set» I made to lift my spirits.

And you? Which animal does help you cope or cheer you up?

© María M. Mayorga

My experience with The Artist Way and how it helped me to become the true artist I want to be

I look back at those months of quarantine and I become grateful to see how this book helped me to heal myself in the best moment I could "spare" to do so.

It didn't just add a beautiful way to connect to myself and my desires through journaling every morning. But it also made me realiaze of how important the connection with my inner child and how I can reveal this power by giving quality time to myself in which I decide to do what I want, instead of what I should be doing.

But let's get into details a bit deeper by explaining the main tools given in this book:

1. Morning Pages

This practice reveals dreams and desires of your inner self. Or it could open a way to connect with your thoughts. Sometimes it could be just a messy writing while you're dedicating this time to look into your worries or deep thoughts.

Other times it can just help you plan your day or your projects.

For me it has become a useful way to start my morning by grounding into my brain and using this notebook as a chaotic way to organize myself. Otherwise is a tool to get creative in a time in which you wouldn't expect it to be. 

I can't describe it better than opening a window to your subconcious and the universe. Let's call it a prayer and a gratefull tool mixed with a memo and agenda all together. 

Free to use it as you will, the important matter here is to let it flow freely. To slowly learn to loose control of what you put in the paper.

3 pages of longhand writen pages should be the original way to do this practice. Leave the key writing for other matters.

Does it make sense? Try and let me know how it goes.

2. Artist Dates

This practice could be more difficult to accomplish or to even give time but if you get to do so, you will gain more than you think.

The principle is to play and treat your inner child that is rarely given any credit.

I normally try to give myself one day a week. This practice gives you a date with yourself to give you love and those hobbyes that you always wanted to do. 

It could be a self-care day (bath, massage, listening to your favourite music while you read your favourite fantasy book), or it could be giving yourself that extravagant dress you always wanted but neved had the means to wear due to fear of "what they will say".

This practice is made to do those things that "adults" shouldn't make, to care less about what you are supposed to do and give you that pleasure of playing and experimenting. 

For example, you could go extreme and go to play in a children park, but you could also just get into a theathre or movie that you are a bit ashamed to share. This is about you and following those desires that you likes when you were a child and that it enlighten your soul.

If it difficult at first, you could try to Meditate on your inner child and try to remember that part of you. Ask that part was missing in your life and please, follow the advice. Let it speak and give it what it wants. Otherwise you will never know were it can bring you.

3. Blurts or how to change your self-talk

The difficult part for me was to care for this part in which I'd write positive affirmations just to get an inner response from my "critic". We all have one, that voice that tell us that something is difficult or impossible to achieve and it talk us out of the trying. 

The critic make us feel like we don't belong to certain places or we aren't good enough to try learn that new skill, as we will never be as good as those people.

That voices help us be safe by not taking any risks but it also make us smaller by not trying new paths. Those horizons that seem far can be reached if we choose to talk ourselves back into the childish way of traying everything as it was the first time, as if we didn't know of failure.

So we write our dreams and best intentions about ourselves, and when those blurts coming from the critic repond inside of you, you need to reformulate the sentence to make it hopeful.

Example:  I am a prolific and very talented artist (affirmation)

                 But I don't sell a thing so how can I show how good I am if I don't share it? (blurt)

                 I am a creative artist who is constantly healing into sharing the best version of herself to the world. It might not be grand but it will heal my sense of self-worth at the minimun. (re-affirmation)

4. Affirmations of an Artist Way

From the time you get this bok into your hands, you get given a list of 20 affirmations to repeat and choose from. You will be asked to repeat the ones that go better with yourself and liking.

Example of my favourites I like to repeat to myself. (The more you repeat them, the deeper they'll be kept into your conciousness)

- My creativity leads me to Forgiveness and Self-Forgiveness.

- My creativity always leads to Truth and Love.

- I am willing to use my creative talent.

5. Tasks

Every week you get given a list of quick tasks that will help you heal past traumas and difficult relationships.

For example, you will be asked what your relationship with Money or God is. After clearing your trauma by bringing up your memory, you will be given options to see it in a more useful way for your new path in life and business.

But in order to know more about these specific tasks and how they can help you unfold your better self, you will need to take a look and try the book "The Artist Way", by Julia Cameron. You won't be dissapointed. The little you do it will be worthier than not even trying.

Conclusion

What I won with these practices: a healing connection to myself and a better sense of listening to my instincs and intuition. I even got led a few times when I trusted what my inner child wanted to make that day.

You open a door to spirit, in a way, you trust them with you love at the same time that you integrate all those parts of yourself. It can be hard to open yourself to that many difficult parts of your life but I can assure you that you end up the journey as a "lighter" person, more loving and more focus on your inner needs to grow and fulfill your purpose.

© María M. Mayorga